There is something profoundly sweet about taking a walk in the park, listening to your multifaceted playlist on Spotify, looking in the mirror while reminding yourself how special you are; taking pictures even when you don’t feel like it;  It feels oddly reassuring. And yet, there’s something about the way self-care has been packaged, so overly curated and trendy, it now feels like a single, marketable routine rather than a personal practice.

Since when did self-care (love) degrade to a single definition, instead of remaining an intimate, unique way of telling yourself, “you are exhausted and it’s fine”? Self-care comes in different faces: Some beautifully messy, and some neatly made into a cushion of extravagance.

And that is the beauty.

Self-care can appear in the smallest, most underrated ways: putting on clothes that make you feel comfortable, opening the windows to enjoy a small breeze or fresh air. Maybe it’s playing that silly game after an argument just to feel normal again. Eating slowly, really slowly, to savor every bite. Smiling promptly at a stranger who smiled at you, doodling with little crayons that remind you of your childhood, crying when it feels too much to hold in, venting in a journal because no one else truly understands, It could be sitting quietly with a cup of tea or water and just watching the world move, or putting on your headphones and staring at the ceiling without even playing music. More fun,  taking photographs of little objects in your room because they feel aesthetically pleasing to let go, stuffing your face in the pillow as you scream out in frustration, looking at your baby pictures and nauseatingly drowning in the realm of “childhood dreams”.

It could be in the biggest way: taking a walk with a friend, going shopping, Playing a sport, buying skin care products, looking into the mirror and whispering “what a beauty you are”, taking pictures of yourself even when you don’t feel like it (just for memories), listening to your Spotify playlist as you stare outside the window. And if you feel in love, making little notes to yourself every night and reading it the next morning because you want to know who you were moments ago.

Maybe these aren’t what others would call the “biggest” acts, but to some, they are. Self-care isn’t really about what you do; it’s about what you feel. Your mind could feel the most quiet while binge-watching movies on your laptop, or after talking to a friend. So, does it really matter whether you’re fitting into the trendy, documented definition of self-care emphasized by the people you see on social media? 

Self-care is quiet. It hits like a subtle breeze, almost unnoticeable, but in its presence, you know you are here. It’s not performative nor is it gender based; it’s personal, a gentle act of listening to your own heart, and the heart doesn’t speak the same language as anyone else.

So yes: not opening your journal for a week is okay. Not feeling the need to go outside is okay. Switching off your phone for a few hours, or even a day, is okay. Not having money for skincare is okay. Telling yourself “it’s not okay” is perfectly fine, too. Taking a bath with just soap and water, without bubbles or roses, is okay (Budgeting is very economic). Not listening to music is okay. 

All of these (the small, the big, the quiet, the messy, the spending, the overlooked) are the little elements that form the beauty of self-care. You don’t have to be anything; you just have to listen to your heart. And even when you don’t hear your heart, you know you are at peace. But if you’re not, take a nap.

And that’s the beauty of it: self-care belongs to you alone. It cannot be defined by hashtags, routines, or what others tell you is “right.” It is your quiet rebellion, your daily reminder that you matter.

So what if daily affirmations aren’t something you do? 

Well, luckily for you, you have your pillow to scream into.